Lost

The future to rebuild…. or fall to pieces.

Present to crumble… or stand tall.

Locked inside my mind… or evolving over time.

Things speed by… but moving much too slow.

Voices scream… or emotions bleed.

Wrapped in mink blankets alone in the dark, when the world sleeps…..

That is my only peace… haunted by shadows of the past.

No ground…no release.

Trapped in a broken body, consoled by the shattered mind.

Alone…lonely.

Damp, and dark as these memory dreams are slowly tearing me apart…..

This

Suffocating on the black mist, that once was shimmering white.

In a place that is sucking the life blood from my veins, longing for the final silent escape.

Over years so many so bleak, waiting for strength to replace your weak.

My great deception, by untruth to my own soul.

I have stayed for so many years, tortured beaten, raped in more ways then body.

The worst crime not what you did but what I have inflicted upon myself.

To lay down and take such punishment and pain, for what and why no one cares more because of the years I cry.

This cannot work and will never be right, for one I do not love ….I cannot fight.

I cannot love you, not because of your violence, nor your violation, nor your infidelity.

My heart belongs to one with depths of soul you cannot understand and will never know; just as you have never known …me.

Though for me his soul may never sing. And I will never ask, my candle burns for now, future and the past.

I cannot submit to you, who I once thought I loved so deeply…. when never have you lit a fire like the one that’s been voraciously burning for another…

A crackle in the air when in the circle we fumbled on words, when arms intertwined my knees went weak.

Trapped by circumstance and limitation, self imposed intimidation.

The time to run swiftly comes… Run to where, to what….

A phoenix is what in dreams I see, yet just a simple bird with a broken wing.

Weighted down, being drowned. Morgan let me come and sit a spell …gaze into the sacred well.

My heart is his, never more yours. Once my love now my looming doom.

For him to see me and burn the same is nothing but an unrecounted dream. It matters not, my heart will always know what it wants.

Better alone then to settle, to settle makes it all for not.

Let my fractured spirit be one that time forgot. Over looked under thought, the dark consumes threatens to put me out.

The complacency wells, take me I care not.

Broken heart, stuck in an endless cycle of playing pretend, the excruciating pain of unrequited love has now set in.

No fancy ways or pretty words can fix this mess. The tears sting as the cascade falls, eyes to chest.

Trapped in the dark I cannot remember what light looks like…. Maybe this life’s lesson is simply to survive, and field all the bullshit and strife.

This

 

 

 

Forever Silent

Unknown well of feelings shall remain just so.

Not a word shall be spoken aloud for fear it will turn to dust what’s building.

Does he sense it, does he know?

I should make haste inside to let this go…

More of my life spent seeking the one who I first saw, a millennia ago.

Does he see me or is he blind, to our tie bound in the hands time.

I sit and wonder, day dream and wish.

Forever silent I hold you in my heart til the day we will truly meet and never part…

To all there is, all there was, and all there will be.

Let this be so we may be freed.

The Oracle…

The star Faerie to remind me of my connectedness to all things, we all have a little faerie dust in us…

The Question to tell me that all things are answered but first to look inside…

The Speaker of Truth I have met is there to say all things true whether it is what we desire or not…

The Blessing tells all things have a beginning and all things shall begin with a blessing…

The Lord of the Forest tells me to take needed action balance must be found between the masculine and feminine…

The Lady of the Forest with her dream he creates the world seen change evolution and flow….

Short version pardon for using this as a record, but much easier to have always access when one needs reminding..